Weddin' Song
A Short Story by Tim Josephs
Written using the suggestion "Climax"
Originally featured on 12-19-2006
As part of our series "Fall Stories"

“So, what are you doin’?”

Jimmy looked across the table at Bobby who was just reaching for another slice of pizza. Bobby looked up at him and smirked.

“Not too much,” he said and chuckled.

Jimmy and Kevin laughed.

“What about the food?” Kevin asked.

“Kristy’s brother knows a guy,” Bobby replied.

“What about the church?”

“Uh, I think she’s rentin’ St. Anthony’s.”

“What about the music?” Jimmy asked. “You’re not gonna let her pick all the music, are you?”

“Naw, man, that part I got covered. We’re gonna have some Metallica, some Crue, and of course, Van Halen.”

“Nice,” Kevin said stuffing a stray pepperoni into his mouth.

“But what about your song? The song you gotta dance to?”

Bobby grimaced as he sprinkled garlic onto his slice. “Yeah, well, that’s where things get a little dicey. Kristy wants some of that lovey-dovey crap.”



“So what’s Bobby doin’?”

Nikki looked across the table at Kristy who was just putting down her large Dunkin’ Donuts coffee cup.

“Well, he and his two idiot friends are over at Giuseppe’s right now.”

“No, I mean what is he doin’ for the wedding?”
“That’s what I’m sayin’, scarfin’ down pizza and chuggin’ beer is about his only contribution so far.”

Nikki and Michelle laughed.

“What about the music?” Nikki asked. “Tell me you’re not gonna let him pick the music.”

“Of course not, “answered Kristy. “He thinks he is though. You should hear some of the crap he wants: freakin’ Van Halen and Metallica. That’s not gonna happen. I just agreed so he’d leave me alone.”

“So what songs are you gonna have?” Michelle asked.

Kristy smiled. “Well, for the main song, you know, the one where we dance by ourselves at first, it’s gonna be ‘I Miss You’, it was the song playin’ when Bobby and I first met.”

“Awww, that’s cute!” Michelle said.



“So what kinda ‘lovey-dovey crap’ are we talkin’ about?” Jimmy asked.

“She really likes this one song, somethin’ about ‘missin’ you,’” Bobby said. “She says it was playin’ the first time we met.”

“I thought that was Pour Some Sugar on Me.”

“Naw, that’s what was playin’ when I got to second base with her for the first time. It was on the car radio in my old Trans Am. Man, I loved that car. Yeah, so, we met at Guys and Dolls. Me and Todd were there shootin’ pool one night.”

“Holy shit! Todd Randolph?” Kevin asked.


“Man, I haven’t thought about that guy in years. Last I heard he was in jail for robbery or some shit like that.”

“No, it was drugs,” Bobby said.

“You’re both wrong, it was assault,” Jimmy said. “He beat up his landlord pretty good.”

“So, anyways, I was there with Todd and Kristy was there with that asshole Barry Newfield.”

Jimmy groaned.

“I hate that fucker,” Kevin said.

“I know. I looked at her and saw this awesome lookin’ girl and could not believe she was with that douche bag.”



“I thought the song that was playin’ when you guys met was Pour Some Sugar on Me,” Nikki said.

“No, that’s what was playin’ the first time Bobby groped me in the back of his piece of shit Trans Am. God, I hated that car. No, it was playin’ at the pool hall when we met. I was there that night with Barry Newfield.”

“I forgot you went out with Barry,” Michelle said. “That guy was so hot!”

“I know, but he was such a jerk. So anyways, I go up to the counter to get some nachos and I had to pay, can you believe that? And that’s where I meet Bobby.”


“So anyways,” Bobby continued, “I was up at the counter gettin’ some Buds and she came up there to get some nachos.”

“How are the nachos over there?” Kevin asked. “I never got ‘em before.”

Bobby nodded. “They’re not half bad. So we started talkin’ a little but she says she’s gotta get back and I turn around and Newfield is just starin’ at me, that dickweed. But before she goes, she says she’s gonna be there the next night alone if I wanted to come back.”

“So what is this song she says was playin’?” Jimmy asked, grabbing another slice.

“It’s like ‘I’m Missin’ You,’ some shit like that. I only half-remember it because the name of the band is Klymaxx.”

Kevin chuckled. “Climax? Are you freakin’ serious?”

“Yeah, except it’s spelled different. I gotta hit the head.” He got up and walked to the back of the small restaurant.



“So we talked for a minute,” Kristy continued. “But I had to get back to Barry so I told him I’d be there the next night and I remember that song was playin’.”

“How are the nachos there?” Michelle asked.

“They are disgusting. I don’t know why I got them; I think I gained like five pounds just lookin’ at ‘em.”



Bobby came back to the table and sat down. Jimmy and Kevin were staring at a TV on a little shelf in the corner above a stack of pizza boxes. A football game was on.

“Pass the ball, ya schmuck!” Jimmy yelled at the TV. “Manning freakin’ sucks.” He turned back to face Bobby. “So, Bobby what are you gonna do about this song business? I’d hate to have what happened to my cousin Gino happen to you.”

“What happened to him?

“So Gino, I don’t know if you ever met him, he works in Bloomfield, insurance or some shit like that. Anyway, he got married like five years ago; it was this big weddin’ out in Clifton, tons of people a lot of food, the whole works. So anyway after the ceremony we go to this place, I don’t know what it was, some kinda hall or somethin’. Everybody sits down and they shine this spotlight out on the middle of the floor, ya know? So Gino and his wife, I can’t remember her name I just remember she had a nice little ass on her, so they go out to the middle of the floor to dance. And then the music starts.”

“What was it?” Kevin asked.

“Fricken Celine Dion! Can you believe that shit?”

“Whoa,” Kevin said.

“I know. And the look that came over Gino’s face was priceless. It was like he just got punched in the plums. They got divorced like six months later. I lot of people think it had somethin’ to do with that song.”



“Look at this girl,” Nikki said looking out the window. A young girl was walking by wearing a mini-skirt and tube top. “Can you believe what these girls are wearin’ nowadays?” She turned back to face Kristy. “So what about this song, Kris? Is Bobby gonna be okay with it?”

“He says he is.”

“I just don’t want what happened to my cousin Theresa to happen to you.”

“What happened?”

“So, Theresa, do you know her? She works out in Nutley, a dry cleaners or somethin’ like that. Anyway, she got married like four or five years ago. It was a beautiful wedding, out in Montclair I think it was, lots of people there. So after the ceremony we all go over to this fancy hotel for the reception. We all sit down and Theresa and her husband, I can’t remember his name I just remember he looked like a goomba, so they go out to dance, ya know? The music comes on and it’s that beautiful song by Celine Dion, the one from the boat movie? But the look on Gino’s face, it was like he just got kicked in the kiwis. To make a long story short, they were divorced six months later. That might have had more to do with him bangin’ his secretary, but I’m sure that song didn’t help.”



“I don’t know, man,” Bobby said. “Kristy’s really into that song. Remember when me and her sorta broke up like two years ago?”

“I remember that night,” Jimmy said. “We were over at Harrison’s and you were hittin’ on that waitress, Bridget.”

“I was not hittin’ on her! She was only in my lap because she tripped! Unfortunately, that’s when Kristy walked in.”

“Man, was she pissed!” Kevin said.

“Yeah, and she fricken dumped my Bud all over me! The thing was more than half full too!”

Jimmy and Kevin laughed.

“So anyways, she wouldn’t talk to me for like three days so I get a great idea. I grabbed my big boom box, ya know, the one I used ta keep on my dresser right next to my Pamela Anderson poster? And my sister actually had a tape of that stupid band.”

“Orgasm?” Jimmy asked with a smile.

“Klymaxx, ya dink. So I get the tape and the boom box and I drive to Kristy’s house. So I get there and I stand outside her window and hold up the thing to play the song, just like what that guy did in that movie.”

“What guy?” Kevin asked.

“You know the guy, he’s always playin’ a loser.”

“David Spade?”

“No, David Spade is a loser. The guy I’m talkin’ about has a hot sister who’s also in movies.”

“Are you talkin’ about Joe Cusak?” Jimmy asked.

Bobby smiled and nodded. “That’s the guy.”

“Wait, you think his sister’s hot? I don’t know, man.”

“Didn’t you see the second Addams’ Family? Don’t you remember her with the blonde hair and the boobs?”

Jimmy thought for a second and then smiled. “Yeah, okay.”



Kristy took a long sip from her cup. “Remember when Bobby and me kinda broke up for a little while a couple years ago?”

“When you caught him gettin’ a lap dance from that skank at the bar?”

Kristy frowned but then smiled. “Yeah. I dumped like his whole beer on his head, and that thing was almost full too. So anyway, I wouldn’t talk to him for like three days and one night he comes by my place with this big boom box and I don’t know what the hell he’s up to. So he stands out there and holds the thing up just like that guy did in that movie.”

“What guy?”

“You know the guy — he’s always playin’ a loser, but a cute loser.”

“Are you talkin’ about James Cusak?”

“Yeah, that’s the guy.”



“So I’m outside her house, it’s like ten o’clock, and I’m holdin’ up the thing to play the stupid song, only it’s not workin’. Somethin’s wrong with the tape part, I think my idiot little brother fucked with it. So then I think I could just turn the radio on and find some dumb love song she might like, but I could only get AM on the damn thing!”

Jimmy smiled and Kevin chuckled.

“So by this time Kristy knows I’m out there and she’s lookin’ at me from the window, she musta heard me cursin’, so I just hold up the box and play the end of the Yankee game.”



“So anyway, Bobby’s out there holdin’ the thing up and I figure he’s gonna play that song but it’s not playin’ anything, nothin’s happenin’. So I’m just watchin’ him from behind the curtain and he starts messin’ with the thing, tryin’ to get it to work, but it’s still not happenin’. So I step out from behind the curtain and he sees me and for some reason he puts the Yankee game on and we listen to the end of it.”



“Yankees win?” Jimmy asked after a moment.
Bobby smiled. “Yes, sir. Jeeta hit one out.”


“So what happened?” Kevin asked.



“Yankee’s win?” Nikki asked.

“How the hell do I know? I just remember hearin’ that Jeeta hit a homerun. He is such a fox.”

“Yeah, he is,” Michelle said. “So what happened after that?”

“I just thought the whole thing was so freakin’ romantic so I run outside and just kissed him. I think that’s when I knew he was the guy.”



“So she comes outside and walks up to me and before I can say anything she just kisses me.”

“Nice,” Jimmy said.

“That’s awesome,” Kevin said.

“Yeah,” Bobby continued, “And she was just wearin’ these tight shorts and this little shirt and it was kinda cold that night so her headlights were shinin’ pretty good, so it was alright.”


“Oh, shit, is that the right time?” Kristy asked, looking up at the clock next to the “Time to Make the Donuts!” sign.

“Yeah,” Nikki said. “Why?”

“I’m meetin’ Bobby over at the Belleville Bakery. We’re gonna try some cakes.” She got up and rummaged through her purse. “And then I gotta meet with the caterer, if that guy thinks he’s chargin’ me for tablecloths, he’s got another thing comin’.” After a moment she pulled out a set of keys.

“You two are still comin’ with me to look at dresses tomorrow, right?”

“Of course,” Michelle said.

“We’ll be at your place at ten,” Nikki said.

Kristy smiled. “Okay, I’ll see you then.” She quickly walked to the door.

Michelle sighed. “Kristy’s lucky, don’t ya think?”

“Yeah, Bobby’s a good guy. I’ll give ‘em two years.”

Michelle looked surprised. “Nikki!”

“Fine, three years. You wanna split a muffin?”

After a moment Michelle nodded. “Yeah, okay.”



“Alright, fellas, I gotta go,” Bobby said and finished the last of his beer.

“Where you goin’?” Kevin asked.

“I’m meetin’ Kristy, were gonna go eat some cake, try to find one we like.”

Jimmy smiled. “Poor bastard, has to go eat cake now.”

Bobby smiled and stood up. “Yup, plannin’ a weddin’ is hard work. I’ll see you guys later.” He walked to the door.

“I can’t believe our boy’s gettin’ married,” Jimmy said after Bobby had left.

“Yeah. I like Kristy though.”

“Yeah, me too. Nice yabos.”

“Yeah. Hey, you want another slice?” Kevin asked.

“Yeah, okay. Get me another Bud too.” Jimmy glanced up at the TV. “Fricken Giants.”

Read More By Tim Josephs

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